falling

i fell for you hard. every time i saw you, my brain fizzed and my heart leapt. you weren't good for me, but everything i ever thought swirled around you. you ruled me with a passion i'll never understand. i wanted so much from you, spent so long brooding over you. i couldn�t even bear to be on the street where you live, your whole neighborhood giving me a silent thrill. there's nothing special about you, you were more just an unhealthy addiction. unexplainable. there was no history of this in my family, and you weren't the most attractive specimen. i was just in love. obsessed, in love. it's a fine line.
you left. it was just your time. but you drove me crazy still. killing me. i wanted you here to rescue me. you never came.
our relationship had been so odd. i didn�t even realize it. i only treasured each moment i was granted. i�d been so long in love, but i quit cold turkey. you�d used me. i see that now. when i hear you name now, i don't get hot anymore. i don't still faint at your touch. but it's your birthday today, and i can't just let it go. i have, guilt? why should i feel i should still be something i once was? but i had a card all prepared, i bought it weeks ago. but i don't want to go backwards, and i know you have the power to suck me in. cold turkey, right? that's what I promised myself, i know. but thta's not what i'm getting. i can�t quite get rid of all of you at once. it's not fair, to you or me. so i call you. wish you luck, hang up. i haven't gone to far. no. i can still go on. move on. now it's you crawling after me. isn't that just the way it should be?